HEALING PAIN – WENDY BLANCHARD, M.S., CHHC

“When we hold onto our anger, it exacerbates our anxiety…and becomes a vicious cycle of negative emotions…and may put us in constant state of unhealthiness. We begin to live in an existence that we have created where our perception is not reality. And, it is our choice to focus on the anger. We must ask ourselves, “How is this serving me?” “What do I notice about how my anger is not serving me?” “What am I fearful of if I were to let go of the anger?” “What will I have to face that I have been avoiding for so long?” “What is it within me that needs healing where I choose to take all of the strength and determination of focusing on remaining in an angry state, and channel it into working through all of the pain?”…When we are feeling so angry, we must realize that it is not about someone else, or anything else, that is causing anger, fear, or heartache…”It is about me, not you.”

We may choose to spend our entire lives angry with those who have “done us wrong,” or disappointed us…or angry at circumstances that have made us feel less than wanted or loved…or, we can break the cycle by allowing ourselves to admit that we must make changes within. And perhaps we need an outside source to assist us in getting the process started. We will always be faced with adversity and challenge, but it is how resilient we are in continuing on our journey with the lesson in our backpack as a reminder that we are strong enough to carry whatever we are given…as long as we lean on our Faith, and remain humble and forgiving.

Devastation of our feelings and heartbreak occur because we have expectations…and limiting beliefs. If we can accept the given circumstances…communicate effectively without judgement…and continue on our journey humbled, and more experienced always from a place of love, we can offer gratitude for the life lessons that make us stronger and more evolved…We learn never to “place blame,” but only to ask ourselves, “How does this challenge serve me?” How can I use it in my own life, or how can I use it to help another empathetically as they struggle to find their balance…

In my own life, I allowed myself to feel unloved and insignificant by another who is in pain themselves where I took their pain personally…I had to go within to ask myself why I allowed another’s actions and emotions to diminish my own self worth, and self confidence…to walk away feeling so shattered by their rejection…Where was my own self love that should always allow me to feel safe and certain of who I am? It always stems back to my childhood for me…I have been able to make that connection through meditation and deep soul searching…and with certainty and resilience, and the loving support of those around me…I am almost back on my path…steady on my feet…healing…continuing on my miraculous journey with the knowledge that I am love…that I have so much to give, and that I deserve all the love that I seek…And, I am aware that these deeply hurt feelings of a lack of love that my inner child experienced will arise again in other circumstances…”triggers.” Now, I will have a compass to keep me on my own given course…And, I keep in mind that I am imperfect, and that these tender feelings may arise again, and again, and I allow for that…I will stay connected to my Intuition…to the Universe, and pray to be connected to another who is like minded so that I am given the same love and empathy that I offer to another struggling with their own pain. We all have had times when we have felt unloved and abandoned…we must offer each other a loving space to acknowledge this deep rooted pain, and not take it personally…one where we allow for feelings of transference into our present circumstances from time to time from our painful past…If we are allowed to express ourselves…to be heard without judgement, and with a loving heart, one that allows for mistakes as imperfect beings…where we do not take others pain personally, but only seek to support them in healing as they work on their wounded soul…a lifetime process…then we always feel supported, understood, connected…and most of all loved…even in our darkest times and ugliest moments. THAT is when we seek to be loved the most. It IS OK NOT to be OK…”That I would be good even when I am not myself. – Alanis Morrisette.” See yourself in others…see them every single time as if it were the first time you were seeing them, and notice all of their beauty. Reflect it back to them…We all need a mirror…validation of our beauty that we may not see at that moment. A loving reminder when we feel scared…lost…disappointed…alone…It is the human condition…Both ways.

I may only serve others in a positive and profound way if I understand what serves the human spirit. One can only experience this through deep soul work, and deep understanding of how one allows ones emotions to direct ones behavior based on ones painful past. “THIS IS ABOUT ME…NOT YOU.”

I will always choose love…I will always choose humility…I will always choose empathy…for myself, and others…I will always choose to admit my mistakes, remain humble…and to do a better job in the future…Now that I have more information…more tools that are sharpened and ready to dig in as I move forward…more experience, and deeper Faith in the Universe/God/Spirit, I remain in alignment with true love…of myself…of others…and, of the Universe.”

Love and blessings,

Wendy

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