Do you have balance when it comes to the relationships in your life? Do you have time to balance tending to the needs of your loved ones, and then have enough quality time to spend with yourself?

Now that I have re-connected with my loved ones, and have entered into a loving, committed relationship, and in addition, have many important friendships that I choose to nurture, I find that giving 100% to each of these relationships is possible by my staying centered, focused, structured, and balanced. I always have to find my own center and balance before I can give it to others, so after writing in my prayer journal in the morning, setting intentions, then praying and listening for Divine guidance for the day, I am able to center myself, and then offer love and guidance to others.

Growing up as a child of an alcoholic and living in a severely traumatizing environment where I was emotionally and physically abandoned had many effects on me…even as an adult. Besides developing an addiction to prescription drugs, I suffered from low self esteem, eating disorders, and searched endlessly for love and approval from anyone who would offer me a kind word, a hug, or be willing to offer me their time. Although I am an adult and have been drug free for three years, and am aware that I am loved and safe, I still suffer to some degree from separation anxiety in my relationships. I have gotten so much better in trusting, and I feel like I just have to trust that those who love me will always remain in my life, and I do! I find that communication is the key for me when I am feeling the anxiety and/or fear and emotion rising over my logic, and of course, I choose to have faith.

So many people suffer from these same abandonment issues that begins in childhood that are brought on by their parents divorce, a parents death, or even an emotionally bankrupt parent(s) who is unable to give to their children the basic love, guidance and attention that we all need to feel loved, safe, and secure. Unless there is ongoing dialogue about the child’s feelings of abandonment, it usually follows us into adulthood and manifests in a variety of ways including disease such as addiction and eating disorders. So, as an adult who suffered great trauma, and has survived prescription drug addiction, and eating disorders, I have found a way to keep myself centered and balanced, and use it to keep balance in my relationships.

I find that mapping out a specific plan for myself is key in keeping me centered. Writing gives me comfort because it is tactile, and a form of self expression that I can always refer back to if I begin to feel challenged or uncertain. It is a reminder that all is fine in my life, and how blessed I am. So, I have created a quick and easy “Relationship Mapping for Balance” checklist that I use as a reminder in achieving my goals in creating and sustaining lifelong successful relationships, including relationships with my adult children. I use my prayer journal every morning to begin my “mapping,” and set my intentions and daily goals. In the evening, I reflect and check in with myself to assess how successful I was in achieving my goals and realizing my intentions.

1.  Set an intention for the relationship.
2.  Use prayer each day to ask for Divine guidance.
3.  Always listen and stay present, and be honest about what you are thinking and feeling in a kind, compassionate, loving, and gentle way.
4.  Spend more quality time with each other.
5.  Always be willing to compromise and negotiate.
6.  Have a check-in conversation at least once a week and practice active listening. Have an ongoing dialogue about what is important in your relationships, and how you can both navigate to reach your destination together…fulfilled, happy, peaceful, and stronger in your relationship.
7.  To enjoy long term commitment and joy in a relationship with your significant other, spend time together, find your partner’s “Love language,” lock in a warm embrace/hug for at least 20 seconds. Oxytocin is released and gives that happy all over feeling. To read more, click here
8.  “Lean into” what the other person in the relationship may be asking for, or need, rather than fighting or getting locked into a power struggle. If it is something you are able and willing to give without compromising your own beliefs, lean into it and be supportive. I always find that if it’s important to my boyfriend, I am always willing to lean in and lovingly support him. It’s so important to be flexible in any relationship.
9.  Focus on all of the positive in the relationship. Positivity begets positivity. Everything else will work itself out if you believe and have faith.
10. Remember to smile (from the inside out!) and enjoy your relationships!

Determine on a scale of 1-5 where you are in your relationship, and then determine what would a “5” look like for you. Write it down. Next, create and write an action plan of 2-3 steps of how you would reach your “5.” What could you do within the next week that would help you to achieve your goal? What will your relationship look like in one month? Three months? Finish this sentence…”In one/three months from now, I would like to see this relationship look like…” Write it down.

Figure out what is out of balance and then find the gift in the challenge of choosing to create balance together! Have faith, be supportive and go with your intuition. We can usually sense what is needed in our relationships if we listen carefully to the other person, and listen in the silence of prayer. It’s usually then that I find the answers that I am seeking. Oh, and be patient with yourself and each other….it’s a process!

Wishing you Harmonious Health 4 Life!





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