Breaking the trauma bond – Wendy Coven Blanchard, M.S., INHC, NYCPS

People who experienced abuse in childhood often feel drawn to similar relationships in adulthood since the brain already recognizes the highs and lows of the cycle.

“A history of trauma can make it even harder to break trauma bonds, but you can learn to stop this cycle.

A trauma bond is when a person forms a deep emotional attachment with someone that causes them harm. It often develops from a repeated cycle of abuse and positive reinforcement. When this occurs between partners, this is a trauma-bonded relationship.

What are the signs of trauma bonding?

All people experience trauma differently. However, typical signs of trauma bonding include:

• denial of the other person’s fault
• justification of their actions
• increasing isolation from support structures
• increasing dependence on the partner

What are the 7 stages of trauma bonding?

Some people define trauma bonding in seven stages. There are:

• love bombing
• gaining trust and increasing dependency
• criticism and devaluation
• gaslighting
• submission and resignation
• loss of self and value
• emotional dependence

Abuse is never your fault. Neither is the development of a trauma bond.

It may take some time to regain a sense of self-worth and feel like you’ve finally broken free, but support from a trained professional can make all the difference.”

Go to www.harmonioushealth4life.com/contact to schedule a time to meet with me virtually or in person.

Although I have training (and lived experience) in Trauma Informed Approach, Trauma Informed Schools and Trauma Informed Yoga, I fell into a “Trauma Bond” relationship early in my recovery from prescription drug addiction. As much training as I have, once I was “bonded” I found it heartbreaking (used to emotional abuse as my compass) to leave. 

I now have nearly 11 years of sustained recovery where I support others in recovery from addiction and mental health disorders. 

Once I entered into a healthier relationship with myself, with God and with another, my “compass” pointed me in a whole new direction.

I am on a path towards deeper healing, a lifelong journey, and I am never alone on my journey, or in my work.

I know who I am. I love who I have become, and I only invest in a partner, a friend, family and acquaintances who invest in me.

We build equity. We are so excited about our future as we plan to move forward. And we stand right beside each other at all times where nothing and no one has the opportunity to break our “Divine bond.”

A trauma bond is built on unhealthy behaviors and abuse. It is cyclical. It can even be impacted by our hormones, specifically a dopamine surge during the time that the abusive partner/child/parent showers one with physical affection, gifts, etc.

A healthy relationship continues to move forward with unconditional love, devotion, joy, integrity, transparency, and mutual purpose, with God at the center of it all. 

A healthy relationship not only says, “I love you,” but aligns their words with loving behaviors where we never have to wonder what today will bring from an unpredictable, unwell partner.

If you would like one on one support and an opportunity to work with me to heal, sign up at www.harmonioushealth4life.com/contact. 

Love and blessings,

Wendy